Seemingly Harmless Signs of a Toxic Relationship
In this article, I will be sharing with you 10 seemingly harmless signs of a toxic relationship. Sometimes the most toxic signs in a relationship are the ones that fly under the radar. These are the signs that are easy to ignore, but once we tolerate them long enough, the damage is already done.
Often, the damage caused by these seemingly
harmless signs is enough to cause serious emotional and psychological trauma.
Here’s a video I’ve put together on this
topic…
A seemingly harmless, but toxic story
First, let me tell you a seemingly harmless,
but really toxic story.
Imagine two young and healthy people get
together, a man and a woman. They are both very physically attractive (above
average in looks in fact) and they both have decent jobs.
On the surface, everyone, even their peers,
think that they have a good marriage and above average lifestyle.
They make good money and look good together
too.
They’re building a car wash business, and
together they have a whole lifetime ahead of them.
About their personalities. One of them seems
a bit silly, ok maybe a bit nuts (read: abusive). And the other seems friendly,
civil and quiet; he likes his peace.
With these two different personalities, they
seem to complement and tolerate each other well.
However, there’s a problem that slips under
the radar. They both start this seemingly beautiful relationship with poor relationship
skills.
A couple who began their relationship with
minimal emotional resources
What does poor relationship skills mean? It
just means that they don’t have emotional resources, and they have poor
connection with themselves and with each other.
In fact, both of them tend to operate in
relationships from a place of fear and approval seeking, and they feed off each
other’s negativity.
The worst thing is that their ‘go to’ place
of comfort is not in connection, but in distance, avoidance and disconnection.
Not a good base from which to start a healthy
relationship, right?
I’ll give you an example. Her go-to insult is
“Oh Joe, you’re SO BORING.”
And his go-to response is: “Hmm. Yes.” That’s
it. Conversation ends. And this happens repetitively throughout a 40 plus year
marriage.
Seems like he’s keeping the peace right?
Seems decent enough? At least he’s not “reactive” to her insult calling him “so
BORING”…
Hmmm. Seemingly harmless, right?
When a couple has more connection with TV,
food, & other distractions…
When a couple has more connection with TV,
food, & other distractions than they do with each other, that’s a bad sign.
But imagine these same two people are the
same two people who find more connection in tv shows, books, food and
cigarettes than they do with each other.
You see, these two people, they don’t have
true loyalty to each other, moreso just a sense of selfish convenience. They
both had this subconscious belief that their job was to stay married no matter
what, because divorce would bring them shame.
You see, it’s one thing to connect with tv
shows, cigarettes and food. And it’s a whole other thing to truly, deeply
connect with another human.
Often, what looks like a good relationship on
the surface, is really just a toxic relationship on the inside. Like these two
people remaining “married” for the sake of selfish convenience.
These two attractive people, they love each
other in theory, and in theory they are loyal to each other because they’ve
never cheated on each other before.
But they’re not at all loyal to each other
(their day to day actions and lack of commitment to each other proves this).
They’re just loyal to their own sense of comfort and numbness.
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