Tipping a Stripper While She’s Onstage

You know the move. It’s when the stripper grinds out her pole dance in public, onstage then you put some money in front of you, and then she’ll shower you with a little extra attention. It’s not a lap dance, per se, but it is a more personalized form of attention. Your fiancée may not be thrilled, but most will be okay with this.

The great dsebate. Is getting a lap dance cheating? Let’s look at it from your fiancée’s perspective. A hot, slim, naked, woman is grinding her crotch against you, making you pant with lust, and rubbing her breasts all over your body. And you wonder why your fiancée’s jealous? If this was some random girl at a bar, she’d have every right to dump you right then and there.

The counter-argument: this is not some random girl in a bar. It’s a controlled act in a controlled environment and the stripper doesn’t want to screw you, she just wants to screw you out of another $100. Two variables come into play. Your fiancée’s thoughts on the matter. Your intentions and attitudes toward lap dances. Exotic dancer

Let’s say that your fiancée explicitly forbade you from getting lap dances, but your friends have no such constraints. This sucks. You may get mocked by your buddies. And frankly, this may indicate that you and your fiancée need to get on the same page about a whole host of behavioral issues. That said… the rules are the rules.

At the risk of getting all cheesy, your fiancée is more important to you than a 3-minute dance that costs over 20 bucks. If you view the lap dance as something fun and harmless that’s just part of bachelor party behavior like gambling in Vegas or snorkeling in Hawaii then she really has nothing to worry about.

If, however, you long for those non-fiancée breasts, insist on more and more lap dances, and start getting handsy, then yeah, your fiancée has a valid gripe. Everyone is different, but this is where we draw the line. Call us old-fashioned, call us prudes, call us in the tank for the bride but a kiss is a kiss. And kissing is cheating. Because the stripper was only doing it for money, however, this sin isn’t as bad as.

We’ll give it to you straight. The guy who makes out with a random girl when he’s celebrating his upcoming marriage is the guy who will later have an affair, the guy who makes that “50% divorce” statistic a reality.

You got a hand job. From someone besides your future wife. “But it was at a bachelor party! doesn’t excuse it, doesn’t condone it. You’ve cheated. Now what do you do?  Bill Clinton’s infamous rationalizations aside, a blowjob counts as sex. If a blowjob is powerful enough to get a president impeached, it’s powerful enough to end your marriage.

Congratulations. You have just bought yourself a lifetime of shame. You will bury this, regret this, and be ashamed of this for the next 70 years. Or until your divorce. Wonder which will come first? At least you didn’t have.

Why is this worse than sex with a stripper? From your fiancée’s perspective, at least a stripper is a professional, doesn’t represent a real threat, and can probably be dismissed as a one-time deal. This doesn’t mean she won’t be pissed. She’d be outraged, she’ll go ballistic, and she’ll almost certainly call off the wedding. We’re just comparing relative degrees of badness, like Stalin vs. Hitler.)